Monday, June 6, 2011

Freewrite #1

I'll never forget the moment when I realized that my husband needed me to push against him. He needed me to be the strong woman that he married. He needed to not do things his way all the time, needed me to offer my voice, to not give up at the least resistance.

You see, I still believe in submission and authority, but it has taken on a different form than I ever expected or ever even saw in my lifetime. I think that my idea of submission was to never offer an opposing opinion or preference but to always defer to Justin, blindly trusting that he would make the right decision, the one that was best for me too. I'm coming to realize that submission is much deeper than just a non-resistance, but a laying down of my own desires in order to choose the best for my husband. At one blow this expels any notion of ruling with an iron sceptor as well as living in a passive-aggressive relationship with some form of submission that stifles true love.

It would be so much easier for me to just will myself to agree with Justin or want to do something just so that I can go along with him. This keeps the "problem" in my realm, no need to talk to Justin about it or actually enter into what might be a very uncomfortable discussion. I just set my mind toward a certain disposition and away we go... adding one more drop into my resentment bucket along the way. No wonder so many women are so bitter and feel so oppressed.

I believe there is deep meaning in the term "helpmate" for women. I believe that it is one of God's beautiful mysteries about women to be gentle and soft and at the same time strong. Now to live in that reality.

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